Nothing Left to Give

My children are 6, 2, and 1. These are the days of exhaustion. Literally. Here is the definition of exhaust from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online:

1a : to consume entirely : use up <exhausted our funds in a week> 

  b : to tire extremely or completely <exhausted by overwork>  

  c : to deprive of a valuable quality or constituent <exhaust a photographic developer> <exhaust a soil of fertility>

2a : to draw off or let out completely 

  b : to empty by drawing off the contents; specifically : to create a vacuum in

3a : to consider or discuss (a subject) thoroughly or completely 
  b : to try out the whole number of <exhausted all the possibilities>

There are many days when I feel completely consumed at the beginning of the day. I'm running on empty, it's 7:30 am. and I'm just hearing the first stirrings from the crib. What do I do? Why does God allow me to be so woefully inadequate? I pray that He would give me strength, so where is it?

I remember the days before I was a mom, back when I thought I was capable. I thought mothering was going to be fairly doable, and I was going to be so devoted that it was going to be great! I'd homeschool, bake cookies, plan family activities & devotions, sew them their own clothes, and have really obedient children who knew better than to misbehave for me.  

What I didn't know then is how all-consuming being a mother is. Your needs are pushed so far to the back burner that they aren't even on the stove anymore sometimes. And unfortunately that is just for the baseline of having healthy, happy, loved, trained, rested, clean(ish), dressed children who've had their hair combed sometime in recent memory. I look back now and know I had no idea how much work goes into achieving the basics. I just sort of assumed that a happy, rested, fed, clean, and cheerful child was going to be the starting point. Ha. Ha. 

For me at least, motherhood is sort of impossible. 

We were reading the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 to the kiddos from the Jesus Storybook Bible (which is totally awesome, by the way) last night and it struck me. Jesus asked the disciples to feed the 5,000. Really? I had to double check in my Bible and see if that was really how it went down, or if it was just artistic flourish on the author's part. 

When it was evening, the disciples came to Him and said, “This place is desolate and the hour is already late; so send the crowds away, that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” But Jesus said to them, “They do not need to go away; you give them something to eat!” Matt 14:15-16

That's crazy. Why did Jesus ask them to do something they can't do?! 

Maybe because it is in that moment, they know themselves. They know their own weakness. They know their need. There is no more pretending "they've got this". And when 5,000 people are fed, the disciples don't think they did it, even though they passed out the bread.

In my Bible reading this morning, I read the story of Elijah and the widow. She is on the brink of starvation, and he asks her to feed him. Impossible. How could he even ask such a thing? Yet the "bowl of flour was not exhausted, nor did the jar of oil become empty, according to the word of the Lord..." 

God sometimes asks more of us than we can do. Sometimes he exhausts us, so that we know we can never exhaust him. 

I am strangely comforted by the definition of exhaust. When I am weak, then I am strong. Most gladly will I boast in my infirmities. His strength is made perfect in weakness. If God empties me, then He will fill me. If he draws me out entirely, then He knows me completely. There is nothing hid from him.

This does not make it easy. I'm still exhausted. I still cry for mercy. I still wait on the Lord. But I believe God will answer. I believe he will meet my need. I try to believe the Word he has given me.

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.

God will help her when the morning dawns. Psalm 46:5

For thus says the LORD GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said,

"In repentance and rest you will be saved,

In quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15a 

I'm still processing this. Resting is hard when life feels like a crisis. But I'm so thankful that God is talking to me. I'm trying to remember God's character: his love for me, his faithfulness, and to trust that my heavenly Father knows how to give good gifts even if I don't much like them at first. 

Worship 24/7

"I think I find most help in trying to look on all the interruptions and hindrances to work one has planned out for oneself as discipline, trials sent by God to help one against getting selfish over one's work. Then one can feel that perhaps one's true work--one's work for God--consists in doing some trifling haphazard thing that has been thrown into one's day. It is not a waste of time, as one is tempted to think, it is the most important part of the work of the day--the part one can best offer to God. After such a hindrance, do not rush after the planned work; trust that the time to finish it will be given sometime, and keep a quiet heart about it."


-- Annie Keary, quoted in Elisabeth Elliot's Keep a Quiet Heart

Holiday Food Fest

I think this looks like fun. I will probably at least follow along and check the blogs. If I get super ambitious, I may even cook something! I know. My eyebrows are climbing into my hairline too.

Here is the schedule:
Thanksgiving & Fall Desserts November 5th hosted at Hoosier Homemade
Thanksgiving & Fall Dishes November 12th hosted at Tasty Eats at Home
Gifts of Good Taste Novemeber 19th hosted at Getting Freedom
Holiday Cocktails, Mocktails, & Appetizers December 3rd hosted at Simply Sugar and Gluten Free
Holiday Dishes December 10th hosted at Gluten Free Easily
Holiday Desserts December 17th hosted at Life as Mom

As everyone who has read this blog for a while knows, I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. So I'm excited to have some seasonal reading and some inspiration for new dishes. Some of the hosts are gluten or sugar free, but the recipes are open to all kinds of cooking. Happy Christmas!

Nesting: Part 1

I don't remember ever feeling a strong urge to "nest" with Iain, but it may be that my memory is faulty. At any rate, I'm absolutely chomping at the bit to work on my little girl's room, but it involves moving heavy things around, a definite no-no for me right now. We've been very blessed by the Lord and our friends to receive a number of things secondhand including our changing table, some clothing, our bedding, a bouncer, a highchair, 2 strollers, and a car seat. We also purchased our crib off craigslist and a swing from a yard sale.

Nevertheless it is easy to covet the brand new items, magazine-ready nurseries, and the slew of matching equipment that is on display at Babies-R-Us. I really wish my heart wouldn't go there. It is such a disrespectful discounting of all that God has done and the practical love of Christ that my brothers and sisters have poured out on me.

I am so thankful to have what we need for our precious little girl. God is so good.

At any rate, the first and only thing I have accomplished for this girl's nursery (I promise we are working on a name for her!) is recovering an ottoman. I'm really rather pleased with how it came out considering my general sewing ineptitude and the reckless fervor that came over me when I decide to attempt this project. I was inspired by several blogs (readers, don't get any ideas!) and decided to take apart the crib bumpers for the fabric to recover one of the black ottomans that currently reside in the office. I was pleased with this since I already have the crib bumpers and didn't intend to use them in the crib, and I already had the ottoman. So if the grand scheme failed, I wouldn't lose anything but time.

Ok, here are the before and after shots:


Oooh, just realized that is a bit blurry. I do really hate using my flash. Anyway, that is the remaining ottoman who has relocated to our living room. I recovered its twin.






Well, there's my first project for our little girl. I basically made a paper pattern, cut and sewed the fabric to fit, and then had Brian help me staple it on (our staple gun is very heavy duty and I couldn't manage it on my own). Overall, I'm pleased with it, and when she outgrows it I can pull the staples out and have two black ottomans again.

Lord of the harvest

The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest. Psalm 85:12

We've had a cold snap here lately-- the first taste of fall. With my new internal heater, I'm only too happy for some cooler weather. Alas, the cold has killed our garden. I harvested the last four zucchini yesterday. For novice gardeners we had a great crop and we learned a lot. We planted onions, tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, basil, cilantro, mint, pepperchinis, and strawberries. Our apple tree bore loads of apples, but they are sadly infested with worms. Next year we will be better prepared and spray in the spring.


I made fresh salsa, zucchini grinders, zucchini muffins, zucchini bread, and pesto. We had the blessing of sharing our abundance with friends and neighbors too. Next year I hope to learn to can and make more of our harvest last through the winter. I do have about 18 cups of shredded zucchini and some pesto frozen. We are also hoping to plant more variety and a much denser garden to increase yield and keep weeds out. Iain is very firm that next year he wants to have corn! I'd like to plant pumpkin and bell peppers as well. Next year our strawberries and rhubarb will be more mature and hopefully we will see more fruit from them.


It has been amazing to see food coming out of the ground in our backyard-- truly more than we were prepared to handle. What a blessing and such a wondrous testimony to God's loving care for His people and His world. It was great for this city girl to get a taste of the rhythm of the natural world this year.

Friday Frivolity

It's Friday! Even as a stay at home mom, I love Fridays. I know that we're in for some relaxed time as a family, whether we're off exploring a new part of town, combing yard sales, or just sleeping in and treating ourselves to a box of day old pastries from our local bakery, we're going have a time of rest together. I also try to do some of my best cooking on the weekend, and tonight I'm looking forward to trying this pizza braid that I found on another homemaking blog. It reminds me of the fantastic strombolis we used to get from a pizza place called Vito's in Fort Lauderdale. We spent many meals with friends there. I'm going to pair it with this marinara sauce. I'm excited to try this recipe and I hope it turns out!

I'll spend the day today menu planning, grocery shopping, and cleaning in preparation for the weekend, but it is very happy work.

And just for fun, because it is Friday, I'm going to have a silly little autumn quiz!

1. Thanksgiving or Halloween?
Thanksgiving. That's a fabulous holiday and I'm always disappointed that it gets overshadowed by Christmas.

2. Halloween or Reformation Day?
Halloween. I know it is not the most spiritual answer, but we celebrate fall on Halloween and don't really bother with Reformation Day. We're Presbyterians, so every day is Reformation Day in this house. ;)

3. What's your favorite hot drink?
Well it used to be hot chocolate with nutmeg, but this fall I've discovered spiced chai tea and it is my new favorite!

4. Pumpkin pie or apple pie?
Pumpkin pie. Hands down.

5. If you could go anywhere to see the fall color, where would you go?
Maybe British Columbia? I bet it is awesome up there.

6. What was your most memorable Halloween (or fancy dress) costume?
My mom made me this awesome fairy princess costume one year and it was so pretty. I got to pick out the fabric and everything. It was awesome. But then she made me wear the next year too since it still fit and that wasn't as much fun. (Sorry, mom! What an ungrateful girl!!) I also dressed up one year as a mom and that was a total bust. I carried my Cabbage Patch doll and had a gray wig and a bathrobe. I think people just thought I was a bum.

Happy Friday and Happy Autumn!