Oh, so THAT'S what that is...

I went to the hospital yesterday for my weekly non-stress test (no worries, just routine for high-risk moms) and I'd been sitting there for awhile and the nurse comes in and says "Are you feeling those contractions?" Say what?!?!? Contractions?!?!? She showed me the little bumps on the chart coming about every 4-5 minutes. I started paying attention and I noticed that I'd feel an increase in pressure at the same time as the bumps. I always thought that was Iain shifting onto an organ or something! How funny is that? Even funnier is this: Monday I wasn't feeling too good and I actually left class and laid down in the library for awhile. One of the students asked me (he's a dad) "Are you having contractions?" I said no, but it turns out he was right!

I had a lot of contractions yesterday and they kept getting stronger. By the end of the day, I felt like I'd been doing sit-ups. They were coming pretty regular and much noticeably stronger last night (but still not painful) and I wasn't sure if maybe we were really going to start something here or not! Laying down didn't make them quit and neither did drinking water. On the advice of What to Expect When You're Expecting, I had a glass of wine and those bad boys quieted right down. I was glad because my tummy was tired and I wasn't sure whether or not to call the doctor. (How stupid would that sound? "I'm not in any pain, but I think I might be just beginning labor...") On the plus side, I was extra tired from the contractions and slept like a baby last night! I only got up 3 times to go to the bathroom and then dropped right back to sleep.

So now I know what Braxton-Hicks contractions feel like. This episode has spurred me on to pack my hospital bag, something that was really not on my to-do list, since I'm supposed to be induced. I'm just glad that my body is getting ready for labor. The more work it does on its own before the pitocin, the better. Anybody wanna take bets on when this boy is coming? He's due June 6.... I'll tell you what I think later.

Why do I have Martha's heart and Mary's house?

Sigh. I've been discouraged today. It seems like all I can see are the negatives. I haven't felt very good, my house is disgusting, and my heart is cold towards the Lord.

I walked in the house today after school and the whole place stinks! I think that something died under the house-- yuck. Plus, our new pastor and his wife stopped by unexpectedly on Sunday and she needed a place to nurse the baby. The only place I had to offer her was our junked up guest bedroom with 3 stinky trash bags in it. Nice. The last time she came over was equally humiliating. Why am I such a failure at such simple things? How can I possibly faithfully shepherd a child when I can't even keep one room of our house decent? Sometimes you just feel like you can't do anything right. Is it deplorable self-pity to cry about this, or geniune grief at my shortcomings? And why do I have to analyze everything to the point of making myself feel sick about it?

Please help me Lord. I am faithless, please prove Yourself faithful.

Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, in His arm He will gather the lambs and carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes. Isaiah 40:11