Sigh. I've been discouraged today. It seems like all I can see are the negatives. I haven't felt very good, my house is disgusting, and my heart is cold towards the Lord.
I walked in the house today after school and the whole place stinks! I think that something died under the house-- yuck. Plus, our new pastor and his wife stopped by unexpectedly on Sunday and she needed a place to nurse the baby. The only place I had to offer her was our junked up guest bedroom with 3 stinky trash bags in it. Nice. The last time she came over was equally humiliating. Why am I such a failure at such simple things? How can I possibly faithfully shepherd a child when I can't even keep one room of our house decent? Sometimes you just feel like you can't do anything right. Is it deplorable self-pity to cry about this, or geniune grief at my shortcomings? And why do I have to analyze everything to the point of making myself feel sick about it?
Please help me Lord. I am faithless, please prove Yourself faithful.
Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, in His arm He will gather the lambs and carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes. Isaiah 40:11
3 comments:
Jordan: I've loved this little poem since before I knew what it meant, because it hung in a pretty needlework in our house all my little tiny growing up life. You need to see this:
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep!
As for the rest of your post, no comment, really, buty you know I love you and am praying for you. Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly. God loves that, Mary!
I don't believe the last 8-12 weeks of pregnancy is a good time to analyze anything, so stop it.
Thanks, gals. Hormones and illness don't mix well! :) Still, I'm praying God will help me to use my time faithfully. Brian set up the crib fro me last night and I'm really excited about that. Once our computer gets fixed (can you belive our 2 year old computer literally burnt up??? Grr!) I'm going to post a picture of the nursery. And Iain's 3-D sonograms.
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