As I wander through the kitchen for a drink, I'm drawn to the window by the sound of shrieking. Not a pain cry, but one of sheer frustration. My two year daughter is sitting on a chair in the back yard, her feet danging bare in 40 degree weather. "Put your shoes on!" my husband calls over the roar of the lawn mower. More sobs. No movement to obey. The sharpness of the cold matched by the hardness of a heart.
As I watched this scene of pathos, the Lord spoke into my heart. Daughter, you are often the same way, He said. You resist my loving commands as though what I want for you isn't the best for you.
My heart and lips twisting in conviction and sadness, I reflected on this. How often I choose pain and grief instead of wholeness and wisdom just because I am so set on doing my will, instead of His. I'm beginning to see that this is the most dangerous, silly, and heart-breaking posture I can ever assume. That self-sufficiency is literally diabolical, an alignment with Satan. That dependence and submission exercise trust and faith.
This is so uncomfortable. The world, the flesh, and the Devil rush to whisper doubt into my heart. Who will take care of me if I don't take care of myself? You'll be exploited, taken advantage of, victimized.
Meanwhile the disciples were urging Him, saying, “Rabbi, eat.” But He said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.” So the disciples were saying to one another, “No one brought Him anything to eat, did he?” Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work. --John 4:31-34
Jesus was not primarily concerned with seeing that His needs were met. The thing of first importance to Him was to do the will of the Father.
I don't need to be scared of my Father. He loves me. He cares for me.
Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed. --Romans 10:11
He is honored when I just say "Ok, Daddy. I will obey." But He still loves me, even when I persist in my own foolishness. Because He loves me, He corrects me and does not allow me to come to harm.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help me to trust you completely. Help me to remember who You are. Help me to trust in the God never breaks His promises and who sacrificed His life to restore mine, instead of listening to the father of lies, who seeks to kill, steal, and destroy. Thank you Lord for speaking to me and holding me close to Your heart. Thank you for being so patient with me and teaching me. Help me trust my Daddy more and more as time goes on. I love you Lord.
In Jesus' loving name, Amen.