The God Who Hears

Oh, that You would rend the heavens and come down,
That the mountains might quake at Your presence--
As fire kindles the brushwood, as fire causes water to boil--
To make Your name known to Your adversaries,
That the nations may tremble at Your presence!
When You did awesome things which we did not expect,
You came down, the mountains quaked at Your presence.
For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,
Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,
Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him. Is. 64:1-4

What a blessing to "come across" this passage today. I've been struggling with depression this week. Feelings of uncertainty, failure, despair, and regret have fought for air time in my head. Longing for a home full of children to care for, longing for the stability of a home of my own, missing the old familiarity of my own country, looking at a grim financial situation day in and day out, wondering if the daily grind is worth it and if anything meaningful is being accomplished in one's life. Oh that you would rend the heavens and come down! Are you there, God? Do you act for your people?

How sad that I, the author of this blog, can ask that. But I do. How quickly I forget past mercies. I'm glad to have this blog to remind me of things the Lord has done, small and great.

I haven't written much about the struggles I've had with homesickness and depression here. Partly because when I feel that way I don't feel like doing anything, including writing. Partly because this blog has become so very public and I'm not sure that I want that part of myself so exposed and bare. But I'm sad to think of losing the record my inner life this past year. How quickly I forget what I've thought and felt and what the answers from the Lord have been.

But I wanted to remember this apt word from him today, spoken into the midst of a troubled and sickly week. On this day when we are going to an informational meeting about adoption which just "happens" to be on campus, these are the words of the Lord to me. When the pain of knowing that all we can do is gather information because we are not and likely will not be in a place to think about adopting again for many long years, this is what he reminds me.

What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him. I Cor. 2:9

Thank you Lord, for having a plan. Thank you for promising to execute according to your will and wisdom. Thank you for reminding me that I am in your hands, that you remember my physical needs and my spiritual needs. Thank you for being so trustworthy. Amen.