Humility

That's one thing God seems to be trying to teach me. And I want it, but I'm really not enjoying it. Esoterically speaking, humility conjures up images of piety, of fasting-starved nuns praying, of the poor man coming first into the kingdom of God. But that's just my fevered imagination's perspective. The rest of me can testify that it is going around smelling like urine-- someone else's urine. It is pulling one thing out of a drawer for an impatient person only to find that it is tangled up in a bunch of other stuff. It's being chastised for someone else's mistakes. It's never being trusted to do anything important. It's being treated rudely just because you are not in a high position. It's having to sit naked in a doctor's exam room for an hour. It's having drug testing and fingerprinting done, your finances from the past 3 years examined, your home inspected, your marriage peered into, and your friends questioned in order to do what everyone else does naturally. It is having justify wanting to go through all the time and expense to people who would be thrilled if you told them you were pregnant. It is being deficient and diseased.

I'm learning that in order to become humble, you have to go through this process called humiliation. And that pride that you are praying so hard against? It really doesn't like it. It whispers in your ear "You deserve better than this. How can they treat you that way? Why do things always happen to you?" I want that pride to die so badly. I want to be like Jesus.