Beautiful Vulnerability

Lately I have felt the Lord calling me to be his feet and hands. To love the unlovely-- and not just in Africa, but the unlovely in my life. You know, those people who have problems, the ones you can't stand, the ones with the messy lives that seem way too complicated to sort out. And I'm being convicted about how very little I actually do that as I write this. Faces are coming before my eyes, and all I can say is: Lord, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Help me do better.

This necklace was a gift from Brian for my birthday. It is what I want and need to have as a Christian, and as a mom who struggles with infertility-- an open heart. My heart is being called and awakened towards little ones in foster care who are broken and abused and seem too messed up to help. With each story I hear, the passion to serve them grows in my heart. But fear has come too. How can I help them? They're too far gone, they've seen too much, their future is too uncertain. What about my own son? And the Lord has answered me:

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

I cannot be the Rock that those kids-- or anyone else, for that matter-- need. God is their Rock and their comfort. He is the only stability for anyone. Those of us who come from loving homes or good financial backgrounds can be deceived into thinking that is where our stability comes from. But God is big enough for any fears or problems and if I can point the way to run to that Rock that is higher than all of us, then I have helped someone find rest. Anything else is all too temporary.

Along with this, he has helped to realize that loving people is painful. There is no way around that, except not to love. There are no risk-free relationships. There aren't any guarantees with biological children, let alone children who are strangers who have been hurt and abandoned by those who ought to love and care for them more than anyone else. So loving foster kids won't be easy. And there are times when it won't feel nice or be pretty. But being vulnerable and open to being hurt to minister love and comfort in the name of Christ is a beautiful thing.

This was from the bulletin at church several months ago and I taped it above my desk:

"By Your command, O God, I want to meet each person today, not just as an interruption to my plans or an obstruction to my will, but as a never-to-be-repeated life, made in Your image, in whom I can meet the very person of Jesus Christ."

Lord, please help me to see the opportunities you give me every moment of every day to love the people you have put in my life. Help me not to be too lazy or selfish to do that. And Lord if you call us into foster care ministry, please give us the wisdom, strength, and deep reserves of love that we will need to do the job.

I hope that we are able to foster at some point in the near future, but even if that door closes, I know that this compassion the Lord is laying on me is for a purpose. I will wait on him as patiently as I can and strive to serve him where I am until he shows me what that is. I am comforted by the beauty that vulnerability to the Lord has brought in my life. I didn't choose the path of infertility, but I have learned so much by walking it. So now I can say: Lord, I am open to your plan, whatever it is. You know what is best. I trust you to take my weakness and make it strength. That is what my birthday necklace symbolizes to me. An open heart to people, and an open heart to the will of God. When I wear it I hope it will remind me of all of this, which I am all to prone to forget.