And shall I pray Thee change Thy will, my Father,
Until it be according to mine?
But, no, Lord, no, that never shall be, rather
I pray Thee blend my human will with Thine.
I pray Thee hush the hurrying, eager longing,
I pray Thee soothe the pangs of keen desire.
See in my quiet places wishes thronging,
Forbid them, Lord, purge, though it be with fire.
And work in me to will and do Thy pleasure,
Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry content my Wellbelov-ed's leisure,
At last, at last, even as a weaned child.
-- Amy Carmichael, courtesy of a much loved and respected woman
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Huh.
Well, life is interesting.
I got home and found a message on the machine from the Dr. (the one we've been waiting for a call from for 2 months). Anyway, she said that she might have some embryos for us, but she is waiting to finalize the details. I'm not sure if she is leading us on again, or if there is something to it. She didn't leave any details-- how many, what stage, what grade, where they were frozen. I'd kinda like to know some details before the whole thing is a done deal. I think I need to talk to her, but I'm a little afraid. I'm intimidated by her-- she's very brisk.
Then, I talk with my Mom and she said that she knows someone who knows a Christian reproductive endocrinologist who doesn't do reductions and only implants 3 at a time. Wow. I've been searching for someone like that for a year. That would be totally awesome if it pans out. I didn't think that there were any Christians in this business.
And then there was that ad today. Who knows what will happen? Only the Lord. And He is really the only one that needs to know right now. Still, it would be interesting to teleport and read my blog this time next year. What will it say?
I got home and found a message on the machine from the Dr. (the one we've been waiting for a call from for 2 months). Anyway, she said that she might have some embryos for us, but she is waiting to finalize the details. I'm not sure if she is leading us on again, or if there is something to it. She didn't leave any details-- how many, what stage, what grade, where they were frozen. I'd kinda like to know some details before the whole thing is a done deal. I think I need to talk to her, but I'm a little afraid. I'm intimidated by her-- she's very brisk.
Then, I talk with my Mom and she said that she knows someone who knows a Christian reproductive endocrinologist who doesn't do reductions and only implants 3 at a time. Wow. I've been searching for someone like that for a year. That would be totally awesome if it pans out. I didn't think that there were any Christians in this business.
And then there was that ad today. Who knows what will happen? Only the Lord. And He is really the only one that needs to know right now. Still, it would be interesting to teleport and read my blog this time next year. What will it say?
A lead...
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Ex. 14:14
Thank you, dear Lord, that you are in charge of all things. Please give me peace and help my soul be still as we make decisions and seek Your guidance. Help to remember how much you love me and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
I found an advertisement on the internet of a couple that is looking to donate their 13 embryos. We plan on contacting them via e-mail today. The woman was 32 when these embryos were created, and that is very good. After 35, the eggs deteriorate rapidly. The couple lives in Florida too, which is also good because it is best to thaw the embryos where they were frozen. At least 10 of these embryos are grade 1, which means they are very healthy and well-formed. It is hard not to get your hopes up. I'm sure these folks are swamped with e-mails right now. There so many "what-ifs" in this infertility road. So many details would have to fall into place for this to work out. I pray the Lord would give me enough grace not to beat my head against the wall trying to force everything to work out the way I'd like it to, but instead to trust that He has the best plan and to rest in that.
Thank you, dear Lord, that you are in charge of all things. Please give me peace and help my soul be still as we make decisions and seek Your guidance. Help to remember how much you love me and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
I found an advertisement on the internet of a couple that is looking to donate their 13 embryos. We plan on contacting them via e-mail today. The woman was 32 when these embryos were created, and that is very good. After 35, the eggs deteriorate rapidly. The couple lives in Florida too, which is also good because it is best to thaw the embryos where they were frozen. At least 10 of these embryos are grade 1, which means they are very healthy and well-formed. It is hard not to get your hopes up. I'm sure these folks are swamped with e-mails right now. There so many "what-ifs" in this infertility road. So many details would have to fall into place for this to work out. I pray the Lord would give me enough grace not to beat my head against the wall trying to force everything to work out the way I'd like it to, but instead to trust that He has the best plan and to rest in that.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
A Good Law
From the Sun Sentinel website:
By DAVID ROYSE Associated Press Posted June 30 2005, 11:39 AM EDT
TALLAHASSEE -- Doctors will have to notify the parents of girls 17 and under who are seeking abortions starting Friday under one of several laws that go into effect.
The abortion measure followed a constitutional change that gave the Legislature the ability to put the new requirement into law _ although it has been challenged in court and could be delayed.
The law, signed earlier this year by Gov. Jeb Bush, will require doctors to phone or meet with parents of most girls 17 or under 48 hours before performing an abortion on them. If that's not possible, they can use certified mail 72 hours in advance. It wouldn't apply to girls who are married or have already had a child. The measure also lets judges grant a waiver based on a patient's best interests, her level of maturity or if she has been a victim of abuse by her parents.A similar 1999 bill was blocked by the courts, which found it violated the privacy provision in the Florida Constitution. But voters last fall approved a constitutional amendment creating an exception to the privacy guarantee.
The current measure has also been challenged in federal court, but so far it hasn't been blocked from taking effect Friday.Bush said this week that abortion is a serious medical procedure that parents ought to know about.``We're talking about allowing parents _ not to give their consent _ but to be notified,'' Bush said. ``To be notified if a child is having an abortion.... It is a very serious operation.''Abortion opponents say it could be dangerous for young women, particularly those who may be in unstable families.``The law really endangers the lives and health of young women,'' Stephanie Grutman, executive director of Planned Parenthood of Florida, said Tuesday. ``It has provisions in it that do not allow doctors to use their best judgment.''
As if doctors really have a judgment call to make. I've never heard of any doctor refusing a patient an abortion--he may have to refer to a specialist, but my understanding is that the patient has a right to an abortion if she wants one. So where does the doctor's judgment come in? They don't notify anybody's parents now. They can't. Even if a parent calls and asks if their daughter had an abortion, it is a violation of privacy law to answer that question. So how does this new law take away a doctor's judgment? I guess my point is this: you want an abortion, you call the clinic, make an appointment, and you do it. That's it. There's no judgment call in it for anyone except the girl-- who is a minor, mind you. This law only applies to single girls under 18. And the parents still don't have to give consent, they are merely informed. Really, the double standard here is ridiculous. You can't give a child any kind of medical treatment (with the exception of emergency life-saving care) without parental consent. Parents have to sign forms so that their children can use their asthma inhalers in school for crying out loud! I'm sorry that you are afraid to tell your parents. I'm sure it is a terrifying and horrible thing to do. But not telling them doesn't change the reality of the situation: an underaged girl making a life or death decision that will effect her emotional and physical health forever. I'd say she could use a little help with that.
By DAVID ROYSE Associated Press Posted June 30 2005, 11:39 AM EDT
TALLAHASSEE -- Doctors will have to notify the parents of girls 17 and under who are seeking abortions starting Friday under one of several laws that go into effect.
The abortion measure followed a constitutional change that gave the Legislature the ability to put the new requirement into law _ although it has been challenged in court and could be delayed.
The law, signed earlier this year by Gov. Jeb Bush, will require doctors to phone or meet with parents of most girls 17 or under 48 hours before performing an abortion on them. If that's not possible, they can use certified mail 72 hours in advance. It wouldn't apply to girls who are married or have already had a child. The measure also lets judges grant a waiver based on a patient's best interests, her level of maturity or if she has been a victim of abuse by her parents.A similar 1999 bill was blocked by the courts, which found it violated the privacy provision in the Florida Constitution. But voters last fall approved a constitutional amendment creating an exception to the privacy guarantee.
The current measure has also been challenged in federal court, but so far it hasn't been blocked from taking effect Friday.Bush said this week that abortion is a serious medical procedure that parents ought to know about.``We're talking about allowing parents _ not to give their consent _ but to be notified,'' Bush said. ``To be notified if a child is having an abortion.... It is a very serious operation.''Abortion opponents say it could be dangerous for young women, particularly those who may be in unstable families.``The law really endangers the lives and health of young women,'' Stephanie Grutman, executive director of Planned Parenthood of Florida, said Tuesday. ``It has provisions in it that do not allow doctors to use their best judgment.''
As if doctors really have a judgment call to make. I've never heard of any doctor refusing a patient an abortion--he may have to refer to a specialist, but my understanding is that the patient has a right to an abortion if she wants one. So where does the doctor's judgment come in? They don't notify anybody's parents now. They can't. Even if a parent calls and asks if their daughter had an abortion, it is a violation of privacy law to answer that question. So how does this new law take away a doctor's judgment? I guess my point is this: you want an abortion, you call the clinic, make an appointment, and you do it. That's it. There's no judgment call in it for anyone except the girl-- who is a minor, mind you. This law only applies to single girls under 18. And the parents still don't have to give consent, they are merely informed. Really, the double standard here is ridiculous. You can't give a child any kind of medical treatment (with the exception of emergency life-saving care) without parental consent. Parents have to sign forms so that their children can use their asthma inhalers in school for crying out loud! I'm sorry that you are afraid to tell your parents. I'm sure it is a terrifying and horrible thing to do. But not telling them doesn't change the reality of the situation: an underaged girl making a life or death decision that will effect her emotional and physical health forever. I'd say she could use a little help with that.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Looking for a Gracious Backbone...
... and a brain capable of understanding Samuel Rutherford (I've been assigned Lex Rex for class this week and it just isn't sinking in. Must be user error.)
Ugh. Just spent a depressing evening scouring the internet for more information and resources about embyro adoption/donation. I actually found a site that offered eggs from women whose SAT scores were over 1275. Unbelieveable. Nothing puts me in a Hemmingway mood faster than sorting through this junk. That was one reason that I decided to start blogging. I wanted to try to put something positive out in cyber space about this whole infertility thing. I want to share real hope, not hope contingent on a positive pregnancy test or a call from an adoption agency. Even Christian sites are very results oriented. I want to be reminded that God is in control NO MATTER WHAT. At all times. He is not surprised by anything, and He loves me more than anyone else. If He is all-good and all-knowing, then everything really is going to ok in the end, no matter what it looks like right this second. I need to be reminding of that over and over again. That's my hope and comfort.
Anyway, that is not what I was planning on writing about. I've identified another major character flaw. (I sure do seem to have a lot of them. Maybe that is what God meant when He said my heart was deceitful and I was full of hidden sin.) I can't stick up for truth. Actually, I've discussed that here before, but I was thinking about it again today. I want to be truthful and loving. But I don't know how. Well, it is something else to pray about.
Ugh. Just spent a depressing evening scouring the internet for more information and resources about embyro adoption/donation. I actually found a site that offered eggs from women whose SAT scores were over 1275. Unbelieveable. Nothing puts me in a Hemmingway mood faster than sorting through this junk. That was one reason that I decided to start blogging. I wanted to try to put something positive out in cyber space about this whole infertility thing. I want to share real hope, not hope contingent on a positive pregnancy test or a call from an adoption agency. Even Christian sites are very results oriented. I want to be reminded that God is in control NO MATTER WHAT. At all times. He is not surprised by anything, and He loves me more than anyone else. If He is all-good and all-knowing, then everything really is going to ok in the end, no matter what it looks like right this second. I need to be reminding of that over and over again. That's my hope and comfort.
Anyway, that is not what I was planning on writing about. I've identified another major character flaw. (I sure do seem to have a lot of them. Maybe that is what God meant when He said my heart was deceitful and I was full of hidden sin.) I can't stick up for truth. Actually, I've discussed that here before, but I was thinking about it again today. I want to be truthful and loving. But I don't know how. Well, it is something else to pray about.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Invasion!
I got up at 7:30 this morning to drive my husband to work. I thought this would be a good way to jumpstart my day, because I would be up and awake and then get a lot done. Well, after I got home I read my Bible and prayed. I'm always praying for diligence, cuz I don't have a lot of follow through. I was feeling pretty lethargic and I thought maybe I'd go back to bed and read some more of Antonia Frasier's Royal Charles, which is not required reading for class and no, I haven't finished this week's required reading yet. Lazy, lazy girl. Well, God answered my prayer because I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinet and saw... ANTS! Yuck! Crawling on my cereal boxes and bread! What nerve! I cleared up the cabinet and went for the Raid, but the silly thing wouldn't spray so I had to go to the store and get some more really quick. Well, those ants galvanized me, let me tell you. I started cleaning out the cabinet and then moved onto the fridge which I thoroughly cleaned. We're not talking wipe-down, we're talking taking out the shelves and the drawers and scrubbing the whole thing (including the bottom tray-- ew!). This whole morning I've spent cleaning. Now I'm starting to get lazy again. Sigh. I hope God doesn't send me roaches or something! There's still plenty to do around here-- I could effectively bury the Jolly Green Giant with dirty laundry. Anyway, it always feels great to get some stuff done. I always feel better after I clean stuff up. Why is it so hard to get started?
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
New Birth Mom Letter
We've drafted a new letter to include in our adoption portfolio. We still don't know what exactly the plan is as far as traditional vs. embryo adoption, but we just felt like we had a different perspective on what we wanted to say to a birth mother. So here it is. Our hearts bare and vulnerable before people we may never meet. I'm so very thankful that all things are in the hands of loving, all-wise heavenly Father.
Dear Precious One,
We know that things must not have gone quite the way you expected them to. Things didn’t go the way we thought they would either. But we are confident that for both you and us, God has plan that will work out for our best interests in the end-- even if things don’t always make sense at first.
We can’t imagine what it must be like trying to choose parents for your child by looking at a book! We’re praying that the Lord will help you as you make this important choice and that He will give you wisdom and peace as you sort through all the details. We often take comfort in Scripture when we feel overwhelmed. Psalm 34:4 says: “I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” We are praying that God would help all of us to trust in Him.
We believe that the most important thing that a parent can do is to teach their child about God from the earliest age. We are very serious about doing this with any child that God brings into our home. We will pray with and for our child every day. He or she will listen to and memorize the Bible and hear about God’s great love for His people. We will try to the best of our ability to show that love to them everyday through our actions.
A child brought into our home will be surrounded by our large extended families that live here in Fort Lauderdale. Our little one will be taught at home by Jordan, who has a Bachelor’s degree in Education. Jordan is committed to staying home full time once we have a child. Brian is nearly finished with a Master’s degree in Theology . He plans to become a college professor and a pastor. Education is very important to us, and we want to give our child every opportunity to excel.
We recognize that this decision is not one that you will make easily or lightly, and we realize that a child entrusted into our care is a very serious responsibility that we will have to answer for one day; to you, to our child, and to God. We pray that the Lord would give you peace and help you to make the best choice possible for your little one.
With much prayer and love,
Brian and Jordan
Dear Precious One,
We know that things must not have gone quite the way you expected them to. Things didn’t go the way we thought they would either. But we are confident that for both you and us, God has plan that will work out for our best interests in the end-- even if things don’t always make sense at first.
We can’t imagine what it must be like trying to choose parents for your child by looking at a book! We’re praying that the Lord will help you as you make this important choice and that He will give you wisdom and peace as you sort through all the details. We often take comfort in Scripture when we feel overwhelmed. Psalm 34:4 says: “I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” We are praying that God would help all of us to trust in Him.
We believe that the most important thing that a parent can do is to teach their child about God from the earliest age. We are very serious about doing this with any child that God brings into our home. We will pray with and for our child every day. He or she will listen to and memorize the Bible and hear about God’s great love for His people. We will try to the best of our ability to show that love to them everyday through our actions.
A child brought into our home will be surrounded by our large extended families that live here in Fort Lauderdale. Our little one will be taught at home by Jordan, who has a Bachelor’s degree in Education. Jordan is committed to staying home full time once we have a child. Brian is nearly finished with a Master’s degree in Theology . He plans to become a college professor and a pastor. Education is very important to us, and we want to give our child every opportunity to excel.
We recognize that this decision is not one that you will make easily or lightly, and we realize that a child entrusted into our care is a very serious responsibility that we will have to answer for one day; to you, to our child, and to God. We pray that the Lord would give you peace and help you to make the best choice possible for your little one.
With much prayer and love,
Brian and Jordan
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