Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Looking for a Gracious Backbone...

... and a brain capable of understanding Samuel Rutherford (I've been assigned Lex Rex for class this week and it just isn't sinking in. Must be user error.)

Ugh. Just spent a depressing evening scouring the internet for more information and resources about embyro adoption/donation. I actually found a site that offered eggs from women whose SAT scores were over 1275. Unbelieveable. Nothing puts me in a Hemmingway mood faster than sorting through this junk. That was one reason that I decided to start blogging. I wanted to try to put something positive out in cyber space about this whole infertility thing. I want to share real hope, not hope contingent on a positive pregnancy test or a call from an adoption agency. Even Christian sites are very results oriented. I want to be reminded that God is in control NO MATTER WHAT. At all times. He is not surprised by anything, and He loves me more than anyone else. If He is all-good and all-knowing, then everything really is going to ok in the end, no matter what it looks like right this second. I need to be reminding of that over and over again. That's my hope and comfort.

Anyway, that is not what I was planning on writing about. I've identified another major character flaw. (I sure do seem to have a lot of them. Maybe that is what God meant when He said my heart was deceitful and I was full of hidden sin.) I can't stick up for truth. Actually, I've discussed that here before, but I was thinking about it again today. I want to be truthful and loving. But I don't know how. Well, it is something else to pray about.

2 comments:

Jeni said...

When you find that backbone, clone it for me, will ya.

Susan said...

Cloning may not be moral.

And it's certainly not cheap. ;)

Jordan, you're precious.