Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge

Keep sound wisdom and discretion
So they will be life to your soul
And adornment to your neck.
Then you will walk in your way securely
And your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down you will not be afraid
When you lie down your sleep will be sweet
Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes
For the Lord will be your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught.
Proverbs 3:21-26

I've really been struggling with fear and worry lately. I didn't realize how much so until this past weekend. Early Saturday morning I woke up in a sweat and choking back tears because of a dreadful nightmare. I dreamed that we lost the baby and I delivered it and held it my hand (it was about the size of palm) and just wept and wept. It was terrible. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. So later that day I met my Mom to go shopping for maternity clothes, and all these misfit feelings rose up in my chest. I couldn't be happy. I didn't want to buy the clothes. I felt like an imposter and like I was in the wrong place. I have consistently had a hard time accepting that I am pregnant and this really came out in the dressing room. I was shocked at myself. This was defintely not how I wanted to be feeling. So I was forced to think about it, and the Lord convicted me of my lack of trust in Him. What have I to fear if the Lord (who is all good and all powerful) is on my side? Nothing.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

God bless you, Jordan. I'm praying for you.

Jordan said...

Thanks so much Becky. This baby is so bathed in the prayers of the righteous. It is such a comfort. God is so good to His people. That's a comfort too. That's what I must cling to.