I'm still waiting for my emotions to even out. The teeter totter is going at much more sedate pace now, and I probably no longer qualify as being bipolar, but I still have my ups and downs. An invariable down is when Brian leaves for work. I always feel semi-helpless when he goes, like somehow I can't take care of Iain without him. He just makes me feel so much safer and calmer that even the knowledge that he is in the other room helps me to deal with stuff better. I was very blue earlier when he left. Also, we found out today that an internship that Brian was interested in (and me especially!!) is filled. I know these things are in the Providence of God, but this internship in Savannah sounded wonderful to me-- it is a city I love, and it would have been under a man whose books I love. Plus, I just would really like to know what the plan is right now. Our life is kinda on hold and that's ok, but I'll be glad when we are moving forward with our future plans.
On the upside, I discovered tonight that Iain really likes a bath if you take it with him! I took him in the bathtub with me and he thought it was great! Though he did make a variety of adorably puzzled expressions when we got in. "What is this, Mommy?" I can't wait to take him swimming. I think he will love that when he gets older. I also spent quite awhile on the phone with Brian's brother and we had a good time chatting about the old days. He lives in Tennessee with his wife and we are definitely headed up to see them this summer and Brian and I are both looking forward to that. Most of all, memories of my husband's sermon yesterday come back to me. It was about living our lives in a manner worthy of the gospel. So impossible, I feel. But he said that isn't teh right reaction-- we are unworthy of the gospel personally, but Christ is worthy and he fulfilled that. Now our lives are meant to be a response of love and gratefulness, even mixed with failure. I'm so glad that God is not surprised by my weakness and failure. I take such comfort that He loves me still and bids to eat at His table.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
More Pictures
Things are going well here, though I am pretty tired. Iain will sleep for a 4-5 hour stretch at night already, so I know I shouldn't complain. I wonder when he will sleep all the way through the night?!? What a happy day that will be. His baptism is set for July 23, which is Brian's 27th birthday. We don't believe that baptism saves Iain, or that it is necessary for anyone's salvation; rather we view this as being very similar to circumscision in the Old Testament: it marks Iain as one of the people of God. He will be raised as a Christian, as a covenant child, and we pray that when he is old he will not depart from the ways of his youth. I'm pledging to raise him as a believer and praying and trusting that Christ will eventually call him and save him. This is a public pronouncement that this baby belongs to God and is part of the visible church of God.
We need to empty the camera because our little guy is changing already! He is 18 days old today. Here are some pictures I took last week:
This is our dog, Peekaboo. She still isn't too sure about this whole baby thing.
We need to empty the camera because our little guy is changing already! He is 18 days old today. Here are some pictures I took last week:
This is our dog, Peekaboo. She still isn't too sure about this whole baby thing.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Overwhelmed
When I first sat down to write this post, I was going to talk about all the little stresses that we've been under these first few weeks: lack of sleep, mounds of laundry, constant little messes, crazy emotions. But I was catching up on some blogs of some friends of mine and I saw on Doni's that her friend's 1 year old,Kambrie, had gone to be with Jesus. How foolish my little complaints now seem. Instead of being overwhelmed by little stresses, I feel overwhelmed by God's graciousness to me. I am so blessed to have Iain. I certainly do not deserve him. What a precious gift from God. There are so many things that can go wrong with any of us at any time, yet more often than not, we are healthy-- we live! Our pediatrician even said to us "I'm not a religious person, but if you study neonatalogy, you have to believe in God." I'm so richly blessed that I can scarcely comprehend it. Praise be to God.
Iain is now 15 days old! It is hard to believe! It seems as though the time is both flying by and dragging by. Strange, huh? It mostly feels like it is dragging at night while I'm sitting nursing him, watching the clock tick ever so slowly. It feels like it is flying by when I look at him sleeping and feel as if I want to stop time forever just to soak him in. He is a good baby-- he is finally getting the hang of nursing, and he sleeps like a champ. When he is awake he loves to be swaddled and look all around at everything. And that new baby smell! It is delicious--provided his diaper is fresh!:)
Iain is now 15 days old! It is hard to believe! It seems as though the time is both flying by and dragging by. Strange, huh? It mostly feels like it is dragging at night while I'm sitting nursing him, watching the clock tick ever so slowly. It feels like it is flying by when I look at him sleeping and feel as if I want to stop time forever just to soak him in. He is a good baby-- he is finally getting the hang of nursing, and he sleeps like a champ. When he is awake he loves to be swaddled and look all around at everything. And that new baby smell! It is delicious--provided his diaper is fresh!:)
Thursday, June 15, 2006
What a morning!
Well, first, let's start with the good news: My milk is finally coming in! Praise God!! We have had a rough week of it, but we have had 8 consectutive feedings now without having to supplement with formula at the end! I am so happy about that. I had no idea that getting started with breastfeeding would be so hard.
Now for this morning's tale: Fatigue is really starting to catch up with me, and I was really looking forward to some sleep after our 6am feeding. Brian got up for work and visited with Iain for a bit and I guess this got him good and awake (although he normally is awake after feedings and conks out by himself with no problem). At any rate, he had a real rough time settling down and despite all his favorite things kept crying for about an hour. He finally settles himself down and Jessie (our 60lb dog) starts barking like crazy and I hear this loud, shrill EEEP EEEP EEEP and hear the dog tearing down the hall. So I get up and stand bravely on the couch to examine the situation. There was SOMETHING behind the desk. I pulled it out slowly and Jessie dove in, chasing out: a bird! So I threw the dog outside, setting off the burglar alarm in the process and returned to the office to contemplate my next move. I could hear it fluttering around behind the computer as I called my husband to dicuss strategy. I had just about settled on waiting to see if it was going to die and then trying to get rid of it (I hadn't got a good look at it, but I figured Jessie had probably mortally wounded it.) when the crazy things shoots up and lands on the printer. It stared right at me and said in a very menacing way EEEP EEEP EEEP. I tell you it was like the monster from a horror movie rising from the dead. I hung up with Brian and decided to try to catch with a towel. It flew all over the place, but I finally got it and threw it outside. Sheesh!!
Here are a few more pictures of beautiful boy. I can't believe how richly God has blessed me. He is so faithful and kind to His people.
Now for this morning's tale: Fatigue is really starting to catch up with me, and I was really looking forward to some sleep after our 6am feeding. Brian got up for work and visited with Iain for a bit and I guess this got him good and awake (although he normally is awake after feedings and conks out by himself with no problem). At any rate, he had a real rough time settling down and despite all his favorite things kept crying for about an hour. He finally settles himself down and Jessie (our 60lb dog) starts barking like crazy and I hear this loud, shrill EEEP EEEP EEEP and hear the dog tearing down the hall. So I get up and stand bravely on the couch to examine the situation. There was SOMETHING behind the desk. I pulled it out slowly and Jessie dove in, chasing out: a bird! So I threw the dog outside, setting off the burglar alarm in the process and returned to the office to contemplate my next move. I could hear it fluttering around behind the computer as I called my husband to dicuss strategy. I had just about settled on waiting to see if it was going to die and then trying to get rid of it (I hadn't got a good look at it, but I figured Jessie had probably mortally wounded it.) when the crazy things shoots up and lands on the printer. It stared right at me and said in a very menacing way EEEP EEEP EEEP. I tell you it was like the monster from a horror movie rising from the dead. I hung up with Brian and decided to try to catch with a towel. It flew all over the place, but I finally got it and threw it outside. Sheesh!!
Here are a few more pictures of beautiful boy. I can't believe how richly God has blessed me. He is so faithful and kind to His people.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Reflections from a new mom
1. God is a wonderful designer! What a beautiful baby He made for me!
2. There is no easy way to have a baby.
3. My husband is wonderful-- what a rock he has been. He is such an amazing Daddy.
4. Sleep is a beautiful thing. It gives you an entirely new perspective on life.
5. Hormones suck.
By God's grace, we are all doing well. These past four days have been the most intense of my life. I have ridden a roller coaster of incredible highs and lows; I have come to the end of myself, I have been humbled, I have been amazed and awed at God's wisdom and design. I am so in love with my new baby and my husband.
Now for the birth story...
We woke up at 6am and got dressed to go the hospital. It seems like such a lifetime ago. Brian took one last picture of me pregnant.
You can't eat or drink for 8 hours before the surgery and my empty stomach was churning up all kinds of acid-- yuck! I was so nervous. We got to the hospital and went through admitting. Then we walked up to labor and delivery-- it all seems like a very foggy dream now! I got my gown on and they started my IV and made me drink some antacid. Brian got dressed in scrubs. Doesn't he look fashionable in his hair net?
Surgery was scheduled for 9am, and we were waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive to do the spinal. I was so worried about the spinal-- I really didn't want them putting a needle into my spine. I was so afraid I would move or a mistake would be made and that I'd never walk again. They told me that Brian couldn't be in the room with me for that part, and I was really upset about that. So I had to walk into the OR alone and climb up onto the table. I was trembling and praying fervantly to God. They let Brian look into the OR and I knew he was praying for me the whole time. The anesthesiologist came and began washing my back. A nurse stood in front me and held my shoulders. I was hunched over and just stared at the blanket and prayed and held as still as I possibly could. Then he put the needle in for the local medicine and he said "Here is a little more pain medicine deeper in." I knew that was the spinal.
I immediately began to feel a little woozy and like I needed to lay down. I wanted them to lay me down quickly because I didn't feel like I was able to balance very well. They laid me down and I felt tingly and like I was floating on a raft. Then it felt like I had very tight swim floats (water wings) on my legs. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe and they gave me oxygen. They put the drape up and I felt waves of overpowering nausea. I could still feel a little bit, but that was quickly fading away. I vomited three times and it ran into my hair. They suctioned it up and gave me a new pillow. I asked for Brian and they said he could come in as soon as I was numb. They asked me if I could feel anything and I said no. Brian came in and sat by my head and held my hand. Later he said that they had already made the first cut when he walked in! He watched the whole thing. It took maybe 10 minutes of talking to Brian and hearing them suction me before they said "Here comes the baby!" I was so excited, but they had a little trouble getting him out. They actually had to use like a giant suction cup on his head!. Then they said "It's a big baby boy!" I heard a little mucousy cry and they carried him kicking and flailing to a nearby warmer. The cries got stronger and stronger and tears streamed down my face. Brian cried too. He got up and looked at Iain for the first time and took some pictures to show me. I could only see the side of Brian's face, but I'll never forget the way he beamed at our son. Then he got to the cut the cord. I just watched and watched. It was surreal.
Then they wrapped him up and one of the doctors laid him on my face. He was the softest thing I ever felt. I kissed him and cried some more. Then Daddy held him and sat right next to me. All this time they were sewing me up.
Then the baby had to go the nursery and Daddy followed him there. 5 minutes later I was in recovery, happy but tingly. Brian came in like 10 minutes later and started calling our family to tell them the news. I spent maybe 2 hours in recovery and was happy to be able to wiggle my toes again. They moved me to my room and I threw up again-- all over a very nice nurse! Then we waited and waited what seemed like forever until they brought Iain back to us and I held him for the very first time. What a miracle he is! How good God is! We don't deserve this rich blessing, but He has granted it all the same. Thank you all for your prayers and love!
We are doing well, but it is a big adjustment for all three of us. We are having to breastfeed, pump, and supplement with formula because my milk has not really come in. So we are praying about that. At first, it seemed like the end of the world, but now I am just thankful for the technology to keep my little guy full. He is SUCH a contented, happy baby. He could not be any sweeter. He smiled at me-- a real open eyed, open mouth grin-- for the first time today. What a sweetheart he is! I'll keep the news coming as I can. You all know what these first days are like. I love you all!!
2. There is no easy way to have a baby.
3. My husband is wonderful-- what a rock he has been. He is such an amazing Daddy.
4. Sleep is a beautiful thing. It gives you an entirely new perspective on life.
5. Hormones suck.
By God's grace, we are all doing well. These past four days have been the most intense of my life. I have ridden a roller coaster of incredible highs and lows; I have come to the end of myself, I have been humbled, I have been amazed and awed at God's wisdom and design. I am so in love with my new baby and my husband.
Now for the birth story...
We woke up at 6am and got dressed to go the hospital. It seems like such a lifetime ago. Brian took one last picture of me pregnant.
You can't eat or drink for 8 hours before the surgery and my empty stomach was churning up all kinds of acid-- yuck! I was so nervous. We got to the hospital and went through admitting. Then we walked up to labor and delivery-- it all seems like a very foggy dream now! I got my gown on and they started my IV and made me drink some antacid. Brian got dressed in scrubs. Doesn't he look fashionable in his hair net?
Surgery was scheduled for 9am, and we were waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive to do the spinal. I was so worried about the spinal-- I really didn't want them putting a needle into my spine. I was so afraid I would move or a mistake would be made and that I'd never walk again. They told me that Brian couldn't be in the room with me for that part, and I was really upset about that. So I had to walk into the OR alone and climb up onto the table. I was trembling and praying fervantly to God. They let Brian look into the OR and I knew he was praying for me the whole time. The anesthesiologist came and began washing my back. A nurse stood in front me and held my shoulders. I was hunched over and just stared at the blanket and prayed and held as still as I possibly could. Then he put the needle in for the local medicine and he said "Here is a little more pain medicine deeper in." I knew that was the spinal.
I immediately began to feel a little woozy and like I needed to lay down. I wanted them to lay me down quickly because I didn't feel like I was able to balance very well. They laid me down and I felt tingly and like I was floating on a raft. Then it felt like I had very tight swim floats (water wings) on my legs. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe and they gave me oxygen. They put the drape up and I felt waves of overpowering nausea. I could still feel a little bit, but that was quickly fading away. I vomited three times and it ran into my hair. They suctioned it up and gave me a new pillow. I asked for Brian and they said he could come in as soon as I was numb. They asked me if I could feel anything and I said no. Brian came in and sat by my head and held my hand. Later he said that they had already made the first cut when he walked in! He watched the whole thing. It took maybe 10 minutes of talking to Brian and hearing them suction me before they said "Here comes the baby!" I was so excited, but they had a little trouble getting him out. They actually had to use like a giant suction cup on his head!. Then they said "It's a big baby boy!" I heard a little mucousy cry and they carried him kicking and flailing to a nearby warmer. The cries got stronger and stronger and tears streamed down my face. Brian cried too. He got up and looked at Iain for the first time and took some pictures to show me. I could only see the side of Brian's face, but I'll never forget the way he beamed at our son. Then he got to the cut the cord. I just watched and watched. It was surreal.
Then they wrapped him up and one of the doctors laid him on my face. He was the softest thing I ever felt. I kissed him and cried some more. Then Daddy held him and sat right next to me. All this time they were sewing me up.
Then the baby had to go the nursery and Daddy followed him there. 5 minutes later I was in recovery, happy but tingly. Brian came in like 10 minutes later and started calling our family to tell them the news. I spent maybe 2 hours in recovery and was happy to be able to wiggle my toes again. They moved me to my room and I threw up again-- all over a very nice nurse! Then we waited and waited what seemed like forever until they brought Iain back to us and I held him for the very first time. What a miracle he is! How good God is! We don't deserve this rich blessing, but He has granted it all the same. Thank you all for your prayers and love!
We are doing well, but it is a big adjustment for all three of us. We are having to breastfeed, pump, and supplement with formula because my milk has not really come in. So we are praying about that. At first, it seemed like the end of the world, but now I am just thankful for the technology to keep my little guy full. He is SUCH a contented, happy baby. He could not be any sweeter. He smiled at me-- a real open eyed, open mouth grin-- for the first time today. What a sweetheart he is! I'll keep the news coming as I can. You all know what these first days are like. I love you all!!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Iain Zechariah pictures
This is Brian again. The demand for pictures has been great, so here you go! Unfortunately, I don't really know anything about HTML, so if these come out all funky, you'll just have to wait until Jordan's back up 'n running.
Nine pounds, three ounces!
Here's Dad cutting the cord.
Mama's first chance to hold her boy.
Mr Iain's first day.
He's our baby burrito.
Here he is with his eyes open.
It's a boy!
Those are some of my favorites; maybe Jordan will post some of hers soon. Enjoy!
Nine pounds, three ounces!
Here's Dad cutting the cord.
Mama's first chance to hold her boy.
Mr Iain's first day.
He's our baby burrito.
Here he is with his eyes open.
It's a boy!
Those are some of my favorites; maybe Jordan will post some of hers soon. Enjoy!
Friday, June 09, 2006
Iain Zechariah is born!
This is Brian filling in for Jordan. We're still at the hospital, and I just discovered that they have wireless here! If only I'd checked sooner, you all would have had the news earlier: Iain was born Wednesday morning, June 7, at 9:46. He measured 9lbs, 3oz and 21.5". The recovery has been about as good as could be expected for both baby and mommy. We are so blessed to finally meet our boy, and we thank you all for your love and prayers. Jordan will post more later, including some of the 120+ pictures that we've already taken!
~BSD
~BSD
Monday, June 05, 2006
Praying
I'm such a strange jumble of emotions these days: worry, impatience, anxiety, excitement, weariness, anticipation... I guess that's normal, huh? I know Brian and I will be so glad and thankful when the baby is born. I'm taking my very last injection tonight-- yay! I've been doing them twice a day for more than 10 months, and I'm so thankful to be done. I'm even more thankful that they worked. What a blessing that the doctors identified that problem and were able to solve it. God is so merciful. With the c-section looming, I'm concerned and excited. I appreciate your prayers so much. I've really struggled with worry throughout this pregnancy-- I've been haunted by a fear that I'll never meet my baby. And worry is something I'm prone to even when I'm not under this much stress. It is a besetting sin of mine-- one that I've had trouble admitting really is a sin. I guess that's how it it is with some of the sins we are most attached to-- we can't see it. So I'm praying that now, on the eve of surgery and my child's birth, with perhaps some legitimate cause for concern, that God will help me let go of that and trust Him.
Dear Father God,
You know all my thoughts and ways. You know how things race through my head and I get worried. Please help me to trust You and to remember how much You love me. Thank you for the beautiful gift of life that you have given to my son. Thank you for bringing him to us in such an amazing way. You really did remember him out of all the thousands of children in freezers neglected and forgotten by most of the world. You chose him to be ours and I am so thankful. What a gracious gift. Thank you for protecting him all during this pregnancy despite the bleeding scares, potential clotting problems, and the excessive fluid. Please help me to be a good mother and to teach him Your ways. Please call him to Yourself and make him Your own. Help me not to desire what will make him happy, but rather what will make him holy. Thank you for my dear husband, the best gift You have given me on this earth. Continue Your purifying work in his life. Make him daily more like Yourself, and give him wisdom to govern our family. Thank you so much dear Father for Your tender mercies to us, over and over again. Thank you for the support of the body of Christ and the Word. I know that You do all things well, and I pray that I will always be submissive to Your will and that my heart would be tender to Your correction. I love you Father God and I praise Your wisdom, holiness, and love. It is such a comfort that you are master over all things. In Jesus' name, amen.
Dear Father God,
You know all my thoughts and ways. You know how things race through my head and I get worried. Please help me to trust You and to remember how much You love me. Thank you for the beautiful gift of life that you have given to my son. Thank you for bringing him to us in such an amazing way. You really did remember him out of all the thousands of children in freezers neglected and forgotten by most of the world. You chose him to be ours and I am so thankful. What a gracious gift. Thank you for protecting him all during this pregnancy despite the bleeding scares, potential clotting problems, and the excessive fluid. Please help me to be a good mother and to teach him Your ways. Please call him to Yourself and make him Your own. Help me not to desire what will make him happy, but rather what will make him holy. Thank you for my dear husband, the best gift You have given me on this earth. Continue Your purifying work in his life. Make him daily more like Yourself, and give him wisdom to govern our family. Thank you so much dear Father for Your tender mercies to us, over and over again. Thank you for the support of the body of Christ and the Word. I know that You do all things well, and I pray that I will always be submissive to Your will and that my heart would be tender to Your correction. I love you Father God and I praise Your wisdom, holiness, and love. It is such a comfort that you are master over all things. In Jesus' name, amen.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
C-section scheduled
I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a c-section scheduled for Wednesday, June 7th at 9am. Please pray that our little buddy would try to make an appearance on his own before then. And pray for our peace, that we would wait on the Lord, and trust Him, and remember how faithful He has always been to us. These last few days are anxious ones and I'm praying that Iain will arrive safely. Please know that the c-section is not a matter of convenience or impatience, but rather the safest choice for our baby.
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