I'm still waiting for my emotions to even out. The teeter totter is going at much more sedate pace now, and I probably no longer qualify as being bipolar, but I still have my ups and downs. An invariable down is when Brian leaves for work. I always feel semi-helpless when he goes, like somehow I can't take care of Iain without him. He just makes me feel so much safer and calmer that even the knowledge that he is in the other room helps me to deal with stuff better. I was very blue earlier when he left. Also, we found out today that an internship that Brian was interested in (and me especially!!) is filled. I know these things are in the Providence of God, but this internship in Savannah sounded wonderful to me-- it is a city I love, and it would have been under a man whose books I love. Plus, I just would really like to know what the plan is right now. Our life is kinda on hold and that's ok, but I'll be glad when we are moving forward with our future plans.
On the upside, I discovered tonight that Iain really likes a bath if you take it with him! I took him in the bathtub with me and he thought it was great! Though he did make a variety of adorably puzzled expressions when we got in. "What is this, Mommy?" I can't wait to take him swimming. I think he will love that when he gets older. I also spent quite awhile on the phone with Brian's brother and we had a good time chatting about the old days. He lives in Tennessee with his wife and we are definitely headed up to see them this summer and Brian and I are both looking forward to that. Most of all, memories of my husband's sermon yesterday come back to me. It was about living our lives in a manner worthy of the gospel. So impossible, I feel. But he said that isn't teh right reaction-- we are unworthy of the gospel personally, but Christ is worthy and he fulfilled that. Now our lives are meant to be a response of love and gratefulness, even mixed with failure. I'm so glad that God is not surprised by my weakness and failure. I take such comfort that He loves me still and bids to eat at His table.
4 comments:
Just checking in on the new mama! Ian is one gorgeous little boy, you are doing great with the photos, and I agree - you are still sane!:) Praise the Lord for small everyday miracles! LOL. If anything can drive a woman into insanity it is newborns (and 2 year olds - and 16 year olds so I hear - all three stages keep you up nights - you just change one set of frustrating circumstances for others)...BUT it is well worth the ride! And I think I would have loved your husband's sermon. Amen to what He said and all glory to Jesus for it.
(giggles) Sorry Jordan but you'll be waiting a long time for those emotions to even out. In fact I'm thinking that when my youngest is married and has his own kids to worry about I may even out a little! LOL
Doni's right, all stages have sets of frustrations but it's a ride I'd get tickets for over and over!
Deep breath.....big prayers.... us mommies will all be alright :)
"Our life is kinda on hold" you said. Are you kidding? With diapers to change and tummy to burp and a husband to respect and a bathroom to clean and a great God to worship, your life is anything but "on hold"! Enjoy it.
I heard a great Wm Hughes sermon this morning where he was talking about Simon the Cyrene who carried Jesus' cross. He talked about us carrying our crosses. And then he suggested that perhaps Simon's attitude might not have been keen at the moment, but resentful or some other such manifestation of fleshliness and failure. It sure encouraged me. Brian's sermon notes in your blog made me think of that to share.
Love y'all.
My opinion of Savannah is very low after our experience there. Great place to visit; horrible place to live. You are too friendly and Brian is too honest to live in that in-bred true-blood town.
Now that I'm getting to the other side of our ordeal, I have more faith that your situation will work out for your good and God's glory, too.
Praying for you...
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