Unexpected (and Undeserved) Blessings

When I don't get my way, I still act like I'm two. I get angry, I whine, I pout. This is something I desperately want to change about myself; I want to be able to say "Thy will be done" and have complete peace and faith that it will be.

Sometimes I try to pysch myself up when I don't get what I want. I'm going to work harder and better and be meaner and sharper than anyone and take what I want. But this invariably ends with me making matters worse, or not changing the situation in the slightest.

So often it seems, it is only when I come to the end of myself and 'fess up that I can't do it that any progress is made. When I cry out to the Lord for forgiveness for all my immature screw ups, he remembers me. And then he shows me that he doesn't need my help in working all things for good, and that he delights in showing his strength through my weakness. When I finally surrender "my right" to whatever it is I'm demanding, and all my plans for achieving that goal-- when I stop believing in myself and give up, so often he is kind and gives me what I couldn't achieve with all my useless striving and scheming. Genuinely letting go and rejoicing in humility isn't easy. It feels so wrong. But it is the most right thing that I know how to do.

"...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:11-13